The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
