why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize