My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
