martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
