Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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