the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
