I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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