I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
