I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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