I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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