i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
