When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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