Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
