I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
