Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
