woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
