My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
