at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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