Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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