why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
