How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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