Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
