the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
