No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
