i just sent this text using only my big toe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
