My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
