It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
