I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
