just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Duck Duck Cougar?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
