Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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