Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
