i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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