she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my poor anus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
