Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
