What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to align my fucking chakras
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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