Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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