hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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