Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
