i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
