had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize