If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
