I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
