i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
