it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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