Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize