Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
