a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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