I CAN MOONWALK!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
