Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
