you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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