At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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