Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
