fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
