Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize