He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
