your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
