have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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