i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
