woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
