I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize