worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
