That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
