you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize