dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
