He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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