I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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