I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize