Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
