obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
