You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
