She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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