Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
